we were meant to fade into darkness
diary of a shadow
I recall a light too bright to admire and even so, I could hardly wait to be blinded.
If I were an artist, I would reference chiaroscuro. It’s a technique, to use light and dark, to create the illusion of dimension. When I paint the picture of us in my mind, I see it everywhere: our shallow attempts to imagine depth where there was only contrast. If this were a fairytale, we would be two stories with separate endings. We are never to meet, our fates to thrive in parallel like the sky and the soil.
At the very least, in some kinder world, there would be a story, a cheerful nursery rhyme to warn me in my infancy.
Leave brightness alone
For shadow won’t see,
until you’ve grown,
that light never shares its throne.
Can you blame me, that I didn’t mind shrinking to be this light’s shadow? Light’s potential was unquestionable, loud and gleaming. And mine, it slithered and laid claim to corners, a silent request to remain invisible, even to myself.
I understand now, of course. Before light, there was darkness. What I’m born from doesn’t have to be illuminated to be sacred. A shadow knows all because she sits quietly until the truth crawls into her lap. Truth will always find the shadows eventually, exhausted from the torment of attempting to come to light. The only reason truth evaded me for so long was because I was just as consumed in what wasn’t mine. I chased what made me insignificant, desperately looking for a fate that wasn’t most comfortable in the dark.
The connection felt deeply impactful in how fleeting it was, a resilient flicker of flame before reduction to smoke. I should have known. We were never meant to last in anything but my daydreams. But even now, when I yearn for a warm glow to arrive through the window, gold fractals encase my figure but never quite hold me.
In my last post, I covered a memory that would outlast death. So, it was about time to cover something far more fleeting. Thanks for reading!
Song of choice: “Light Dance” by Akira Kosemura
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Loved this. The imagery was fantastic and I felt some parallels between this story of light and dark with how we all strive for something that is beyond our reach, or even, beyond our nature.